Most people my age are married or at least divorced or diseased. I have no good reason for my marital non-status other than my terrible, terrible criteria for selecting a mate. Below, please find my actual reasons for dating the men I have dated:
Good mustache.
Always had cookies at his house.
Lived in a foreign country; was […]
I have terrible taste in musical theater. If you are thinking “Wait, but musical theater IS terrible - what is the difference?” allow me to introduce you to my favorite musical: Starlight Express.
This show is– I mean… there aren’t words. It has taken me 3 years of blogging to mention Starlight Express because it is […]
When you really love someone, you will not hesitate to spend the morning pulling paper towels out of his ass.
But it will still be disgusting. Especially when he yowls at you like it was your idea in the first place to eat a roll of paper towels.
If you ask my friends to tell you three absolutes about me they would quickly reply 1) she loves octopuses, 2) she always mooches gum, and 3) she never breaks up with someone when she should. It is true, I do love octopuses. And yes, I stay in relationships way past the expiration date. Even […]
There is a woman who works on my floor who seems concerned that the entire world might not notice that she is hateful. In order to get the message out, she walks around looking like she’s about to shove somebody’s face through a cubicle. I have never spoken to her, but every time I walk […]
I had no taste as a child.
My friend, Chelsea, had an overabundance of taste. As a 12-year-old she knew exactly what was stylish and what was worthlessly trite. Chelsea knew about art and designers and more importantly, had tons of opinions about what she liked and didn’t. She rolled her eyes all the time, and […]