I saw a squirrel eating a lizard a few weeks ago.
Now, squirrels aren’t supposed to eat lizards, right? They eat nuts and tiny muffins, right? Bits of cake and tea in little acorn teacups? Adorable stuff. Not live, writhing lizards, thrashing and fighting for their evil reptilian lives. But this one did. I figured this [...]
This morning as I walked to the grocery store in sweatpants and last night’s make-up, a man muttered “beautiful” as he passed me. As much of a stretch as it seemed, he seemed serious; and I gotta say: I loved it. I mean, yes – this dude was a troll and probably lives in an [...]
What is the fucking fuck with Jon Gosselin?
Seriously, who gives a shit? Anyone? You? Why?? Honestly, I would love to know – please leave your reasons in the comments. Because as far as I can tell, he’s a giant, boring, fat-faced, baby dum-dum, who mistakenly thinks he’s important because people keep taking pictures of him. [...]
Want to hear a secret? The Mummy was CGI. Oh, you knew that? Ok. How about this? I smell like cedar and honey.
John Cena and I found an injured baby fawn, can your hold our shirts while we lift it out of my pick-up truck?
You’re Eliza Skinner? From Elizaskinner.net?! Holy Shit!
Yeah, I do all my stunts, except [...]
Do I buy Cosmo? Yes. Am I proud of it? No. God, no. I tear off the cover so that the mustachioed hipsters on the train can imagine I am reading DJs and Rocketships or whatever magazines they read. It is an awful magazine, and yet every month I am sucked in by it’s promises [...]
Hm, now where did that pie go…? Oh Ann!
Ever wonder about how people get cast as “incredibly ugly girl who accidentally makes out with a cat” or “giant fat person who farts at the party”? How is that presented in the character breakdown? How does the agent call the actor and tell them they are [...]
I get a lot of hits from google searches for “What do women want?” I also get a fair amount for “Why don’t boys like me?” Sadly, I cannot even attempt to answer the latter, since I clearly don’t know anything about boys except that once you tell them about that time you fisted a [...]
Over hamburgers and beers, my friend, Firedove Rockhammer*, was telling me about a recent heartbreak. “So FINALLY, he kissed me on the street and then pulled back and said ‘Hi’! Then I punched him in the arm and said ‘that’s dumb’. Then he never called me! I thought he liked me! WHAT HAPPENED??”
When she said [...]
Most people my age are married or at least divorced or diseased. I have no good reason for my marital non-status other than my terrible, terrible criteria for selecting a mate. Below, please find my actual reasons for dating the men I have dated:
Good mustache.
Always had cookies at his house.
Lived in a foreign country; was [...]
There is no better social barometer in an office than the lunchroom. Outwardly, everyone looks pulled together and stuffed into contempo casuals and sensible pumps. But inwardly they are all seething with regret, confusion, and the type of passionate self-loathing that can only be expressed by a frozen veggie burger wrapped in dry lettuce. You [...]