There is no better social barometer in an office than the lunchroom. Outwardly, everyone looks pulled together and stuffed into contempo casuals and sensible pumps. But inwardly they are all seething with regret, confusion, and the type of passionate self-loathing that can only be expressed by a frozen veggie burger wrapped in dry lettuce. You […]
The title of this post was typed by my cat while I was getting dressed this morning. I am slightly concerned about him - does he mean the swimming place or the game? Either one is going to disappoint him. The former is full of water, which he pretty much hates, and the latter requires […]
When you really love someone, you will not hesitate to spend the morning pulling paper towels out of his ass.
But it will still be disgusting. Especially when he yowls at you like it was your idea in the first place to eat a roll of paper towels.
There was no question about Bentley’s balls. They had to go. His meowing was getting really out of control and I promised myself a few boyfriends ago that I would never let another dude pee all over my apartment. Plus, all that testosterone was useless - he’s got no game. I’ve always thought it must […]
I recently took my giant, tiny-headed cat, Bentley, to the vet. While the vet was giving Bentley the once over he asked me what I fed him. I was nervous that he was asking because he could tell Bentley’s diet is largely plastic bags, extra cookies, and yarn, but I played it cool and told […]
Here is a belated birthday gift for my sister. I invite you all to enjoy The Best Thing Ever:
It was a rough night.
So apparently having a baby cat is not totally unlike having a baby anything else. I had a mini-breakdown last night about being an unfit foster mother for Bentley the kitten when he wouldn’t stop crying. Well, squeaking, really. It seemed to be a lonely, lost squeak - not angry or […]
More Zoo News!
It’s bad enough to be a tiger in a man’s world, but to be a french-speaking tiger in Edmonton, Alberta sounds even worse. The Edmonton zoo got a 7-year-old Siberian Tiger named Boris from Quebec, and found him to be shy and depressed. Eventually one of the keepers tried speaking to the tiger […]
Please make your own tiny pussy / gorilla nipple jokes.
If you know anything about Koko the Gorilla, you know that she loves kittens and has a very, VERY loose grasp on sign language. In fact, she mostly just says “baby” and “nipples” over and over again. While it could be argued that really babies and […]
What’s up with ladies and monkeys, right? Or apes, I should say (but more enjoy saying “monkeys”, especially with my mouth full of soup.) I’ll tell you - some women, no matter what a gorilla does to them, just can’t walk away. They keep thinking that the Gorilla didn’t mean it, or that he’s going […]