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Poor Old Jennifer Aniston & Her Tons of Hot Dudes

Poor Jennifer Aniston. She is single again! Poor thing! How does it keep happening to her?!

(One time I watched a girl sit in a puddle of spit-up on the subway, and I didn’t feel as bad for her as I do for Jennifer Aniston.)

Because, I mean, come on – it can’t be that she might actually enjoy having affairs with rich hot men who fall madly in love with her. It couldn’t be that after a while they get boring and she gets irritated with them and things start falling apart. THAT couldn’t be the case – I mean, look at her! She is so pretty and wholesome! She must want babies, right?

(Another time a guy I know cut off his own butt with a chainsaw while he was trimming a tree in his yard, but I didn’t feel as bad for him as I do for Jennifer Aniston.)

Most people get what they want – if they really want to be in a long term relationship, they become attracted to other people who want to commit. If deep down they don’t actually want to settle down, they avoid it either by avoiding relationships or by avoiding relationships with people they might actually have to commit to. Even women do this. EVEN women who look like they would be lovely mothers or wives. Some women actually enjoy spending their whole lives in and out of dramatic affairs, taking lovers and being sugar mamas well into old age. ON PURPOSE!

Except Jennifer Aniston. Despite her savvy and success, despite how sought after all her lovers have been, she is clearly a tragic, miserable fuck-up.

Right, Jen?

Jennifer Aniston in GQ

This entry was posted on Sunday, March 15th, 2009 at 10:51 am and is filed under Uncategorized. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.

4 Responses to “Poor Old Jennifer Aniston & Her Tons of Hot Dudes”

  1. Kenny G. Says:
    March 24th, 2009 at 11:29 am

    Aside from the picture not loading (could be me… my work computer sucks), an excellent post….

    Now… about the hind-end-chainsawing guy… you gotta share that story… pretty please… :-)

  2. James Says:
    March 25th, 2009 at 11:13 am

    God, I am going to sound so gay when I say this. (And not that he doesn’t deserve his fair share of ridicule too.)

    But I hate it when people act like Brad Pitt is the devil for leaving her in the first place. I called out the reason IMMEDIATELY when it happened. And I mean, come on, it was obvious! He leaves Aniston and immediately has like 29 kids? It’s because she was denying him the fruit of her womb. Because she thought that after Friends, she could have a serious career, in films like Derailed and Rumor Has It.

    Bitch.

  3. Jason Says:
    March 26th, 2009 at 8:31 pm

    I know this isn’t exactly on topic here, but what the hell. I just stumbled upon your site/blog/whatever this is.

    I have to say, why aren’t you famous yet? You’re extremely funny and very hot.

    Some talent scout somewhere needs to get their ass in gear and sign you up to something big.

  4. eliza Says:
    March 28th, 2009 at 9:05 am

    Thanks, we’re working on it. If you have any friends in the famous-making business, give them a call.

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