Hey, have you heard of this guy Charlie Brown? Pretty funny!
I get irritated by a lot of things. Slow walkers, bags on subways seats, and the phrase “I could care less” all easily make my vision pool with blood. But nothing bugs me more than when someone rolls their eyes at something I say…then a few years later tells me the same goddamn thing like it’s a late breaking story. Oh yeah? Really? You think podcasting is cool? What’s that? Improv is good for communication skills? You don’t say! HM???? WHY YES, I HAVE HEARD OF WATCHMEN.
I am going to poison the next person who tells me to read Watchmen. Poison them right in the dick. Don’t worry, the nerds of the world are safe, because no real sallow-skinned nerd would ever suggest to another that they should read Watchmen. That would be like telling a regular person that they should not shit in their sleep. WE KNOW.
For years my friends eyes would gloss over when I mentioned comic books. They only half-listened to anything involving comic book characters they couldn’t get on lunchboxes, so my explanations of Watchmen just confused them and left them with a sense that I was into naked aliens and date rape. They curled their lips and rolled their eyes and tried to find quick segues into conversations about the VMAs. But now these SAME EXACT PEOPLE are all “Hey – you should check out The Watchmen”, which to me sounds like “Hey – you should punch me in the mouth”.
So, let this be a warning: if you tell me anything about Watchmen – a story originally published TWENTY TWO YEARS AGO – you better know an awful lot of Alan Moore and Dave Gibbons, and I’ll still probably stab you in the neck.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:13 pm
I liked it when it was just called Watchmen.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:18 pm
Alright, Jeremy! I am removing my errant “the”s, but YOU ARE ON MY LIST.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:33 pm
“I could care less” is up there with me as well. It shares rank with “buddy,” “pal,” “britches,” and “funner.”
By the way, I just read this awesome comic called Watchmen, have you heard of it?
December 16th, 2008 at 3:52 pm
your bitterness on this topic makes you extra nerdy! i read it once as eliza and then once as Comic Book Guy from The Simpsons for fun.
December 16th, 2008 at 3:59 pm
i linked to this, i hope you don’t mind. people seem to lose their mind at the thought of (girls? anyone? i am not sure) reading ‘watchmen’. at least that was my experience last week.
December 16th, 2008 at 4:00 pm
p.s. if you do mind, let me know, i’ll take it down.
December 16th, 2008 at 5:20 pm
This exact thing happened to me with MC Frontalot and George R.R. Martin. I’m glad you write things.
December 16th, 2008 at 7:04 pm
Will you marry me? Relax, I’m kidding.
Sort of.
December 16th, 2008 at 8:38 pm
“Poison them right in the dick.”!? Holy balls – you’re a badass!
December 17th, 2008 at 12:29 am
Today a guy asked me if I had ever heard of What If? Comics.
Perhaps a more apt rendition of that story is “Today I stared a guy down so hard that his head popped off and shot around the room.”
December 17th, 2008 at 3:38 am
PREACH IT, SISTER! TESTIFY!
Nothing caused me brain aneurysms as quickly as friends who made a point of jokingly fall asleep every time I brought up comic books in conversation back in high school call me to ask if I had my midnight opening tickets for The Dark Knight yet. Because while D&D and Magic were apparently “cool,” comic books were just too geeky. They crossed some magic invisible line.
Bastards.
December 17th, 2008 at 9:11 pm
I hear ya. Same thing goes for music and films, but the one I’m getting more irked about is when someone uses you’re own sage and witty advice on you. Even worse if they attribute it to somebody else, usually a total dolt.
December 17th, 2008 at 9:54 pm
I phrase it as “You’ve read Watchmen, right?” and if not, I lend my copy. It’s called manners.
December 18th, 2008 at 1:47 am
Hey Eliza, have you read Batman: Year One? Its pretty good.
December 18th, 2008 at 1:51 am
Kevin Hines – consider my eyeball burst.
December 18th, 2008 at 10:54 am
As the “comic book guy” in my social circle, I’m 100% with you on this.
Same thing happened with Sin City, Hellboy, and The Spirit.
And Wolverine. Fucking Wolverine.
December 18th, 2008 at 12:24 pm
well, yes, you are amazing eliza.
December 18th, 2008 at 4:19 pm
Hey Eliza what’s up with this Spirit thing some guy is doing? Is that like the Phantom. My grandfather had some in his old newspapers and I tossed them. Should I have kept those?
If you ever hear that, and beat the guy to death no jury could convict you. When I worked at one of many comic shops some douche came in and saw some Spirit Sunday supplements on our wall and said almost that. I willed myself razor arms but they never came.
December 18th, 2008 at 8:21 pm
i find it more annoying when I complain about how the movie is going to be a hollow shell of the book, and people are like, “well, zack snyder did 300, so he knows how to turn graphic novels into movies.”
December 19th, 2008 at 12:37 am
uh, can i comment on this? this is possibly one of eliza’s top posts ever.
December 19th, 2008 at 11:17 am
I know the movie isn’t going to be anywhere near as amazing as the book, but is it bad that I tear up whenever I watch the trailers?
December 19th, 2008 at 12:42 pm
Rock on.
December 20th, 2008 at 2:04 am
Are you familiar with the works of Pablo Neruda?
December 20th, 2008 at 2:17 pm
I actually get the reverse happen when people mention “Thank God You’re Here” and say something nut-explodingly stupid like, “It was pretty funny.”
Then my nuts explode.
December 21st, 2008 at 4:37 am
I just know that my nerd rage will reach a peak about 4-6 months after Watchmen comes out, when it’s parodied in a “Movie” movie.
Luckily, most of the people I hang out with know I know comics, so I avoid that particular annoyance.
Fairly off-topic, but comic books (are webcomics about superheroes the same thing?) are involved, so it fits well enough. You, Eliza, are the most perfect person in the world to play Wonderella.
January 5th, 2009 at 12:28 am
@Jack JL – Holy crap on a stick, you’re completely right. I’m not sure why I never realized it before.
Dammit, now I want a series of Wonderella short films.
May 21st, 2009 at 7:14 am
*scratches nose soberly*
“Hey Neil… Neil. You there?”
“Yah.”
“Aren’t you suppose to be at work?”
“Nah late shift, what are you doing up?”
“Client work. Here check out this Eliza chick. You know that drunk girl vid–uh, just read this.”
…
“Uh scroll down.”
…
“Oh dude is this where you got it from?”
“Nah. No man.”
“Wait but this is exactly what you were telling me about last month.”
“Yes, yes it is.”
“Even the whole punch in mouth bit too? For serious? What are the odds man. Ha, ha. Wild.”
“Pretty high Neil. Their pretty high.”
“Ha, ha. So all you types get in a fit stuff like that eh? Wild.”
“Hm..”
“Think she liked the movie?”
“Yes Neil, I do believe she did.”
“Man wild man. Wild.”
“Hm..”
May 21st, 2009 at 7:16 am
Didn’t I just make a comment here? Wait- what. Did it get deleted. I can’t remember what I just wrote!?
Hmm confusing..
Anyway, I had the same though a month ago about. Punch in the mouth comment and all.
Cheers mate. Cheers.