Sometimes you meet someone who fits together with you perfectly, who makes you want to tell secrets and eat popcorn and be a better person. And sometimes you meet someone who makes you feel like you’re slamming your head in a car door, on purpose. You can just feel how self-destructive the relationship is. […]
This morning on the subway I was sitting next to a man in a suit drawing on one of those cool laptops with the flip around screens that can be used a a writing tablet - like this:
Was he using it to draw a technological model? Work on spreadsheets? Create businessy powerpoint slides? Nope. He […]
I don’t drink coffee. I used to gobble it up all day long, but then I also used to date assholes and listen to straight-edge hardcore. Eventually you learn what’s good for you and what just gives you an ulcer. Now that I’m almost wholly decaffienated, the occasional Diet Coke can really set me off. […]
In the past 2 days I got about 20 minutes of sleep, dropped about $60 on soda and fudge at Great Adventure, taught a class, saw a movie, lost my wallet, and had to call the police twice because my landlord’s adult daughter was standing outside my door calling me a “stupid fucking jew” while […]
Over hamburgers and beers, my friend, Firedove*, was telling me about a recent heartbreak. “So FINALLY, he kissed me on the street and then pulled back and said ‘Hi’! Then I punched him in the arm and said ‘that’s dumb’. Then he never called me! I thought he liked me! WHAT HAPPENED??”
When she said that […]
Ok, guys - I know you’ve all been on pins and needles waiting for me to tell you who to vote for. But I’m not going to do it! Think for yourself!
But.
I will say this : this Sarah Palin shit has me pissed off.
The problem with the Palin situation is that she came out of […]
I love how there are TVs everywhere now - in elevators, taxis, urinals (ok, but we are minutes away from this at most.) For me this is basically the same as if the city started tossing syringes full of heroin throughout the streets. Anywhoozles, I was just in the elevator staring at the TV, glassy-eyed […]
I wrote a sidebar in this month’s issue of Glamour magazine. On page 226 check out my attempts to flirt like a lady, without mentioning farting or Alan Moore.
One! More! TIIIIIIME!!!
I’m doing one performance of my show, Eliza Skinner is: Shameless! in New York again this Friday. It’d be great if you came!
“Both in her writing and in her nuanced performance, Skinner wrenches humor from awkward circumstances and cringe-inducing comments….you will love her.”- Time Out New York
“She absolutely owns these characters: each […]
I am sad for the abrupt end of Coney Island. The news broke today that this weekend will be the end of Astroland, and my one of my all-time favorite rides, The Breakdancer. Supposedly the Cyclone will live on, but the rest of the park is either dead or will be replaced by fancy new […]