Proust and Me
Everyone has crap in their apartment that they bought solely to impress someone. You know, that Radiohead cd, or Sandman Graphic novel, or that goddamned guitar. It never did anything for you did it? The person you bought it to impress is long gone, but it just sits there, a constant reminder of how pathetic you are.
For me, it’s a book - How Proust Can Change Your Life. I bought it 7 years ago when a bar manager who looked like Tom Cruise (if Tom Cruise had gotten hit in the teeth with a hammer) suddenly decided to sweep me off my feet for a few weeks before he started screwing one of his bartenders again. I had no idea why he liked me - we had nothing in common, and he made me uneasy. But he was older and cute and powerful so I loved it and rabidly tried to create something for us to have in common. He liked said he was “really into Proust” so when I saw “How Prost Can Change Your Life” at the bookstore, I snapped it up.
Outside the bookstore, I told my friend Sally why I bought the book and she rolled her eyes at me in disgust and ate another cigarette. I defensively said “It’s probably pretty good anyway. It’s not like I bought something useless.” Ah, but how wrong I was. That book has done nothing for the past 7 years except sit around and mock me. I think I kept it this long just to keep giving myself chances to to prove Sally wrong, and prove that I’m not the type of bimbo who buys a grown-up book to impress a dude.
But, well, I am.
I don’t give a shit about Proust, and there’s no way he’s ever going to change my life, unless you count taking up room on my bookshelf. I have enough crap in my life reminding me of how pathetic I am - I don’t need this book anymore. So, I’m throwing it out. And I encourage you to do the same with that horrible Jethro Tull/Bread/Jackson Browne album. Someone’s going to think you actually LIKE that shit.
January 9th, 2008 at 10:42 pm
Really good post. And it’s kind of ironic how your lack of reading the Proust book ended up teaching you something pretty important and revealing about yourself, resulting in a nice little cathartic moment of real progress. How Proust Can Change Your Life has actually changed your life. Totally indirectly and probably kind of insignificantly, but still.
January 10th, 2008 at 2:51 am
FWIW, that book is selling for $13 used on Amazon:
http://www.amazon.com/How-Proust-Change-Your-Life/dp/0330354914/
Flipping stuff is good for the ka-ching!
January 10th, 2008 at 10:31 am
Sadly, my version of the unread Proust book is a Creed CD.
January 10th, 2008 at 10:56 am
Would you like to book that book in my car?
January 10th, 2008 at 11:06 am
in entirely unrelated news, i am selling a pretty acoustic electric guitar…
January 10th, 2008 at 11:28 am
Please post a picture of your cat.
January 16th, 2008 at 3:46 pm
Next time a guy who manages a bar says he’s “really into Proust.” Read that as: “I’m a toe-tapping closet case pseudo-intellectual.” It’s the same thing as being into Rimbaud for punk rockers who sleep with older men to pay for their heroin.
Funny, though, I have a guitar for sale as well.
January 17th, 2008 at 11:28 am
This country loves buying crap titled “This [insert anything here] Will Change Your Life”. When Natalie Portman said a certain song by the Shins would change Zach Braff’s life, the band sold a quajillion albums.
You could write a book called “This Bubble Gum Wrapper Will Change Your Life” and it would help you retire early.