Dear Bikeman
Dear Man taking up two seats with a bike on the N train during rush hour this morning,
Welcome to New York! I hope you enjoy our thin crust pizza and circle line boat tours while you’re in town! I assume you are new to the city, since only an unknowing visitor or a complete asshole would get on the subway during rush hour with a bike that takes up two seats, and sit down watching everyone else crowd in and smush together. Right? So you’re new, right?
Either that, or I hate you.
Peaches,
-Eliza
p.s.
Hey you should check out my show, “I Eat Pandas” while you’re in town! This Friday at 7:30 at The Tank. We’re doing our whole hour-long show for the first time in months.