Bathroom talk*
So, I’m trying not to say too much about my new job, since (as I learned with the old job) people can find your blog. Google my name (as apparently quite a few of you have recently, thank you, your signed pictures are in the mail) and my blog pops right up. You can even use that “Feeling Lucky” google search function no one ever uses. There’s no way to hide a blog this popular and hilarious.
BUT, I have to have a word with you guys about the bathrooms here. These are the grossest bathrooms I have seen outside of the DC bus terminal.
The toilets are all super low and constantly clogged with paper and grossness. It’s like we share a floor with a womens detention center. It’s really gruesome - we’re talking poop, paper, hair, tin cans, dead birds, fetal mice. I don’t know who is specifically shoving wads of toilet seat covers into the toilets, but they are 1) diligent about their work as at least one toilet is ALWAYS clogged with seat covers, and 2) most likely a very well-paid TV exec. This is the way the big wigs live, apparently.
Today, I found a leter-sized envelope full of maxi-pads in a bathroom stall. They weren’t used, but trust me - it was still pretty gross. (Partly because they were those thong pads, which seem weird and desperate. Come on - it’s like 4 days a month. Give the thongs a break!) I don’t know if someone mistakenly left them in there, or they just decided it would be easier to stash their pads behind the toilet. If I find it is the latter I will have to keep an eye out for hairbrushes, diaries, and half-eaten sandwiches stashed back there, also.
*My nursery school had a “No Bathroom talk” policy, as in keep it clean, don’t go blue, shut up about your butthole. It may surprise none of you that I got busted violating this rule frequently. The best part was that your punishment was that you’d have to go sit in the bathroom - along with your fellow offenders. What could be more fun? Those were good times…me and Zander Hendricks sitting in the bathroom laughing about poopheads and peeholes….good times, indeed.
October 10th, 2007 at 4:12 pm
How Bisgusting. Oy!
October 10th, 2007 at 6:14 pm
I confess, I make it my daily mission to go into the restroom here and throw the toilet seat covers in every stall, then I do a song I call “someone has to clean it up”, and dance while I sprinkle fake gross things all over the place.
“Someone has to do it,
That’s why you are a janitor son,
someone has to do it,
I’ll keep you workin son
Someone has to do it
Show me the money.”
October 11th, 2007 at 12:08 am
Wow. The final line of your song sold me. All is forgiven.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:20 am
I want to put all the mommas in jail who taught their daughters to stand up to pee in public toilets. That’s all I have to say.
October 11th, 2007 at 10:22 am
I lied. I have one more thing to say: Le Funnelle
October 15th, 2007 at 9:45 pm
You seem to have a better memory of nursery school hijinx than myself. True though, what kind of teacher would think up a punishment like that. Please dont through me in that briar patch of bathroom talk.
October 17th, 2007 at 6:16 pm
Zander Hendricks is an awesome name, just wanted to point that out, I’m guessing he was from the future