It is indeed Britney, bitch.
Sweet Jesus, have ya’ll heard the new “leaked” Britney Spears songs? Holy crap are they awful.
I made it almost all the way through “Gimme More” before I had to shut it off and wash the burning out of my eyeballs. This is the one you’ve heard about - it starts with the bold yet obvious statement, “It’s Britney, bitch.” Then it launches into the fiercest old-school midi hobbyist track ever laid down in someone’s mom’s basement. We’re talking about a casio-keyboard-demo-track quality jam, here. And this is the good single.
The next one, “Cold As Fire,” is so unbelievably bad I thought it was fake. It goes past funny/terrible and straight into tragically sad. I got really really sad listening to this song. It was like watching an old alcoholic drink. Naked. If you make it past the atari laser sounds to the desperate “Break it down”sand the off-key “Cold As Fire”s, make sure you have friends around you. You’ll need the support.
The last release is a ballad. A warbling off-key ballad where she attempts to show off her broken pipes with Xtina style trilling. Sadly, she has not made any attempt to update her ‘naughty baby sex kitten’ sex appeal to fit her current ‘cracked-out used-up bad-mom’ vibe, and it doesn’t work. When she sings over music box music and begs for love from her “baby boy” it just calls to mind the images of her glassy-eyed spawn dangling off her arms like cigarettes. And her speech halfway through is the hands-down worst since the astronaut in “Oops I did it again” stopped the song to give her the necklace from Titantic. (Seriously, how did we accept that? There should have been rioting in the streets. This is why America is in the state it’s in - no one spoke up when Bush invaded Iraq, or when Britney pulled that shit.)
So, Brit brit has lost it. Unless she can get some good medication and figure out a way to capitalize on her disgusting roach-infested cooter image, she’s never going to get her career back. Really, it wouldn’t surprise me if she started eating make-up and released a cd of spooky sound effects. In a way, though, hasn’t she always been (You Drive Me) Crazy?
Remember when girl knew how to work it? Sad. Poor old Britney.
September 4th, 2007 at 3:45 am
I would totally buy her CD of spooky sound effects.
September 7th, 2007 at 9:10 am
I’m quivering with anticipation re: her appearance at the VMAs. Maybe “Gimme More” will actually get booed. Or perhaps she’ll just get stunned silence.