elizaskinner.net - the jambox

As I read the article on CNN.com about Paris’ resentencing - about how she screamed for her mother and cried out, sobbing, “No! It’s not right!” - my first thought was “Ooh, I hope they have video of that!” Then I instantly realized that of course they don’t have video of that, and that Paris Hilton got me all fucked up.
You win, Paris! You win! That’s what you wanted, right? I’m a monster now! I DO want to see that crap. I want to see the snot running out of your famous nose as you cry famous tears in a now-forevermore famous cop car. Even better - these are REAL tears, not fake like your prayer book, or your friends. I want to be up in your shit. Literally. I am one of the throngs of people just waiting for that photo of you pooping in jail, the one that you’re so scared of you stopped eating. I used to want success and happiness, but now I just want to find out if Paris ate any peanuts.

All of us who talk about how awful it is that we’re talking about Paris are in abject denial of our obsession. It’s not other people who are obsessed with her; it’s not the media or the teens, it’s us, smart people. We care. Whether it’s vicarious bullying or simple schadenfreude, we’re eating it up. Like becoming smokers or adopting douchey slang - we just indulged occasionally, ironically, in an article or blog entry here and there. Before we knew it we were all addicted, saying “sweet” and “totes” while we think about our next drag. Also like those things - we’re not going to just stop. It won’t be easy, it’s going to be a lot of work, but we have to try.

So, next time you want to read an US Weekly, pick up a book instead. I know, I know, it’s boring! But just try it. Think of all the money you’ll save, and how much smarter you’ll sound!
One day at a time.

Oh, but one more thing before I give up Paris! Has anyone considered that this “Medication” she wasn’t taking might be hormones? She’s a tranny! That’s why she’s always showing off her vag - it was expensive! Seriously, she’s acting like she’s going to turn into a fucking werewolf if she’s left in jail. While werewolves are imaginary, trannie’s are not; and she’s not about to shave down another adam’s apple.
Ok, ok, THAT’s it. Done. I swear….

This entry was posted on Monday, June 11th, 2007 at 3:39 pm and is filed under celebrititties. You can follow any responses to this entry through the RSS 2.0 feed. You can leave a response, or trackback from your own site.