Yikes.
Or, “What the fuck happened to Amanda Bynes and the East Village?”
rrrrrr…..BRAINS! BRAINS…gurgle..rr…
On Saturday night I was out walking around in the East Village. I guess it’s been a while since I spent a warm weekend night down there, since I didn’t remember it being a douchebag parade, but it was. Somehow the neighborhood of the Ramones and Todd Barry has become frat row, full of collared shirts and strapless dresses looking to fuck. They were packing the sidewalks like an outbreak of zombie Hooty and the Blowfish fans. Gusts of Axe bodyspray were literally blowing down St. Marks place.
I stopped outside a deli to pet their cat and wonder if there was some horrible convention going on. As I adjusted the strap on my red polka-dotted sundress, a spikey-haired fake-tanned dude and his blow-out fake tanned girl stopped and pointed at me. “Hey, look at that dress! Beetlejuice!” WHAT? No! That happens outside the TKE house, not in the goddamn fucking East Village! This place is supposed to be full of homless punks, performance artists and trannies, not judgemental Abercrombie addicts. The East Village has officially become disgusting, which is too bad because I used to love it.
Just like Amanda Bynes.
Remember her?
Before……..After
She was the best! Cute, popular, and funny all at the same time! She didn’t have to act stupid, or look terrible, and she was really successful. I was certain this meant that things were on an upswing for the next generation of female comedy stars. Then she turned into an even cheaper version of Carmen Elektra. I assume the look she was going for “grown up hot”, but passed it and went straight to “more dangerous to your dick than a bucket of AIDS needles.”
What is going on?? Why is being stupid and trashy so popular? I seriously feel like this is one of the unmentioned horsemen of the apocalypse. War, Death, Pestilence, Famine, and People Striving To Be Worthless. Or it’s just part of Paris Hilton’s alien plan for enslavement. Either way, we are fucked.
June 6th, 2007 at 11:07 pm
Even though the circumstances were shitty, I would definitely take it as a compliment to have a Beetlejuice comment made about me/my clothes!
June 7th, 2007 at 11:52 am
Seems like she went to the Lindsay Lohan School of Bloat.
June 7th, 2007 at 12:14 pm
That dress was SO not beetlejuice…you looked fabulous
This is why everyone hangs out in Brooklyn now.
Joey Ramone is turning over in his grave…maybe we need to hire Henry Rollins as a douchebag exterminator and let him loose below 14th street?
June 7th, 2007 at 12:19 pm
It wasn’t so much what was said - I agree with Noah on that.
The grossness was the way he said it, and the fact that he said anything at all! I felt like if I had been holding textbooks he would have gleefully knocked them out of my hands and broken my glasses.
June 7th, 2007 at 3:28 pm
This is why all the hip young things are moving to smaller cities and starting art/music collectives.
March 5th, 2008 at 8:49 pm
It could be worse. At least someone didn’t point at you and say “Hey the Apple Dumpling Gang” or “Darby O’Gill and the Little people” That would really suck.