Beyonce’s B-day is Bhilarious!
I find so many things about Beyonce funny. Her name, for example, is Beyonce (which is French for “This Sounds French, Right?”) Then there is the way she dances - like someone put a fist full of mice down her shirt and screamed “DANCE HARDER!” But Ya Girl B has outdone herself with her newest album: B-Day is hilarooroo. From her salute to the “Freakum Dress” that all us ladies supposedly own (mine is a wrap dress that likes to be peed on), to the bizarre “Kitty Kat” (in which a lonely Beyonce apparently attempts to seduce her cat) - this album is all diamonds, no rough.
My current overall favorite song on B-Day is now “Sugar Mama”, Beyonce’s celebration of taking sexual advantage of underpriviledged children. She compares her self to every little boy’s favorite things: jolly ranchers and his mama, then she demands you “come sit on mama’s lap”. How can you not love a song that starts with the predatory muttering, “damn, he look so good I want to buy him a short set”? I pray that the video features her in a minivan driving slowly past a playground full of 12 year-olds playing in a firehose.
Almost every other song on the whole album is about how shitty her boyfriend is and how glad she is to be rid of him. This has led the media to ask her if she’s maybe unhappy with her boyfriend, Jay-Z. Beyonce is all “wow. WOW. Why can’t you stay out of my business!?!?” Yeah! It’s just a co-incidence that she happens to reference MANY specifics about their relationship, including dates and nicknames. In fact, most of the songs could be easily renamed things like “I, Beyonce, Am Very Unhappy In My Relationship”, “When I Say YOU I Mean Jay-Z, Specifically (Ask Me About It)”, and “Seriously. Jay-Z Cheated On Me.” The only thing missing is a “call and response” between the two of them consisting of actual voicemail messages.
The best “I HATE You, J” song is easily “Irreplacable.” It starts out repeating “to the left, to the left…” like she’s teaching a fun dance. This is going to be a blast, boyfriend! Just like the Timewarp! Then, when he must be dancing along she FREAKS OUT at him! “Everything you own in the box to the left!” OH shit, boyfriend! She knows! She’s kicking you out!
And, “The box to the left”? How many boxes of stuff does Beyonce have?
But you don’t have to take MY word for it!
December 13th, 2007 at 2:23 pm
i found this while looking for a photo of two stuffed mice dancing, (there are little chairs in the photo too) stayed for the read