I get it! You’re a sexy…lady?
Trick.
Don’t get me wrong - I love Halloween. Candy and walking corpses - what’s not to love!? No Halloween is not the problem, I am.
I leave the house in the morning looking regular. No costume, just normal me. Then I spend all day hearing this: “So, what are you?” Every year! People say that and then stare at me with that expectant grin that makes you want to fill their mouths up with sand and watch them choke (just me? ok.) Or worse, they just look at me and laugh knowingly, and say “Oh! I get it!” Get what? Crabs? I am not in a costume!! I am wearing my clothes, assholes!
There used to be a time when Halloween costumes were clearly identifiable by their cobwebs and gore. Halloween costumes were scary, or if you were a kid, plastic. Now, though, they are more often sexy or funny. I have yet to decide which is more irritating: dudes bouncing their eyebrows at my pleated skirt and asking if I’m a naughty school girl, (No, I am a temp in your office who happens to be wearing her PLEATED SKIRT TODAY, and I have just mentally labelled you a sexual predator. Trick or Treat.) or people laughing and pointing at my button down shirt. When did become ok to laugh and point at someone? Not only is that offensive, it looks stupid - and stupid people make me unreasonably angry. (Please see my previous entries on hating babies and republicans.)
I don’t dress crazy, or slutty. I mean, I don’t dress boring - but I live in New York! I am CERTAINLY not the most outrageous looking person on the street. But apparently I have enough drama, or weirdness, to not only be mistaken for a stripper or jew, but also for a costumed freak. That’s my look, I guess: hilarious sexy zombie rabbbi.
So all day long I have to endure this stupid confusion from people, which only gets worse when I try to explain that I’m not wearing a costume. They ones who thought I was sexy think I’m playing a joke on them, and the ones that thought I looked funny think they still don’t get it. It often takes an embarrassing amount of convincing to make people accept that I am just dressed normally.
So here’s my Halloween pledge to you, people of the world: I will never half-ass my costume. I will leave no room for error. I will always be CLEARLY costumed with either blood, fangs, or a Truly Outrageous Jem Glitter And Gold outfit.
If I am not wearing something like that, I only ask that you shut up about my goddamn clothes and makeup and close your mouth before I fill it with sand.
Treat.
November 6th, 2006 at 6:09 pm
I had the same problem when I lived in New York too! Nowadays it’s just “yes, I am dressed as a Space Pirate, but I dress that way every day.”