Girl Advice
The other day my friend D. asked me for some advice on asking a girl out. I immediately clapped my hands, squealed a little, and chirped “Of course! What do you want to know!?” Then I realized I had absolutely no idea what to tell him.
For the past few weeks I have been working with D. and his pals, the Hammerkatz, on a new sketch show. It has been a weird adjustment, since I used to be their improv coach and now I’m pretty much in the group. It feels sort of like frenching the kid you used to babysit.
I mean, how I’d imagine that feels.
The other odd part is that they are all young fellas, I am the lone female and the oldest one in the room. This gives me an air of authority on many things - living alone, renting cars, 9-11, and most of all on girls. The problem is, I am not really a girl anymore.
For instance - D.’s question was “how long do I have to wait to call this girl and ask her out again?” My answer “Call her now. When do you want to call her”
“Today.”
“So call her now.”
“But it’s only been 4 days!”
“Oh, that’s silly —” Wait! Maybe it’s not! I mean, I don’t know - I’m not a 20 year old girl. Maybe they really don’t want you to call right away. Those girls on Laguna Beach and The Hills would probably laugh at a guy who called too early. They are merciless! D. will get laughed at and it will be my fault!
In my day, I wanted fellas to call right away. Unless I didn’t want them to call at all, but even then the sooner they did call the sooner I could blow them off. But that’s me - these girls today might not be like me, they might be like that girl on MTVs Parental Control who told her mom to tell her date that she had nice tits and was “just like Paris Hilton” - I have no IDEA what girls like that want!
I am terrible at delicately playing games - I’m a juggernaut. The way I figure it, the only wrong choice in those situations is inaction - if you do nothing, you learn nothing. If you call, you learn that either it was a good idea to call or it wasn’t, and then you move forward. If it ends up being a bad idea, you’re just one person closer to finding someone who will be thrilled to get your call. But that’s much easier to see from here in the twilight of my twenties. From where these Hammerkatz stand, they want the kisses they want today - not a good plan for “down the road”. Who thinks “down the road” before 25? “Down the road” is for old people. Like me.
So, someone please tell me what to tell these guys, so I don’t look like a complete sham. And come see our show next Monday at Spank at the UCB Theatre.
August 14th, 2006 at 4:30 pm
YES! Call her now!
August 15th, 2006 at 2:24 pm
Call her IMMEDIATELY!
If she wants you, she’ll be thrilled.
If she doesn’t, better to know sooner than later.
Now, I know I’m old… but everything old is new again…
so trust me.
September 1st, 2006 at 8:14 am
I think that outdated custom has been out-ruled by our generation. The whole waiting, not showing interest too early, non-commitment thing has had the kibosh put on it in favor of just being yourself and following your instincts. Of course, I have no idea what the kids are thinking these days.