Know Mar? Whatever. I’m trying.
Last night I went to baseball game at Yankee Stadium. Despite my general disinterest in sports I was excited about this because it was my first trip to the infamous Yankee Stadium, and because the Red Sox have a yellow-sun effect on Will. (DC fans? You with me? Marvel readers - the Red Sox are like his…um…watching his loved ones killed? Science accident?) Unfortunately, the Yankees have a kryptonite-like effect on the Red Sox (Marvel fans - this means they have a real-world-problems-like-drinking,-drug-abuse,-and-self-doubt-effect) and we got our asses handed to us.
More interesting than that, though, were the Yankee fans! Those people were bananas! And by bananas I mean frighteningly drunk. One man to our left was too intoxicated to sit up straight in his seat, but he continued to pull it together enough to stand up and pump his arms while screaming “BOSTON SUCKS” every ten minutes or so. Later he threw peanuts at a vendor - forcing his friends to apologize profusely and buy extra while he giggled - then wandered away and got lost, and was later brought back to his seat crying. Another dude decked out in Yankees gear from head to toe kept trying to get the crowd to yell “Go Red Sucks”, which is a remarkably ineffectual cheer when yelled by a drunk man. His friends just seemed confused. Later he begrudingly went along with someone else’s “Red Sox Suck” cheer, looking like he too was about to cry.
But I wasn’t here to judge - I was here to be a Red Sox fan by proxy. I don’t like the Yankees anyway, so that’s a good start. I feel like cheering for the Yankees is like cheering for Coca-cola. Yeah, it’s really sucessful and has helped define America in the 20th century, but it also supports dictatorships in third world countries and poisons babies. Hear that Yankees fans? You like poisoning babies?? Well, I don’t. So I like the Mets. And I suppose the Red Sox.
Last night they were a hard team to love, though. Mostly because they seemed to be paying about as much attention to the game as I was. I mean, it’s one thing to be up against a really good pitcher - if he’s throwing it so you can’t hit it, good for him. But if they’re hitting it and you can’t catch it, or worse you can’t throw it to your teammate, or WORSE your teammate throws it to you and it hits you in the leg and falls to the ground and then you laugh and point to yourself and point to the ball and shrug your shoulders (this did not actually happen, but pretty much!), then shame on you. At least Trot Nixon was doing his best to hold it together for the Sox, but he’s named TROT NIXON so it’s just embarrassing to even try to cheer for him. Which Will did.
But in the end, so what? I mean, this is just a game! It’s like having thouands of people watch you play slap-jack or flip-cup, with a coach trotting out every now and then to tell you to slap faster or try to get more height on your flips. Did the Red Sox suck last night? Yes. Yes they did. Horribly. So what? It feels like a pathology to me to get that invested in something outside of yourself. Besides LOST.
June 10th, 2006 at 9:48 pm
Yeah, but I bet they were still better than the Richmond Braves.
p.s. The giant Indian is still frozen in place, but I’m it will come to life and squash the General Lee satute any day now.
July 8th, 2006 at 1:27 am
Now Yankee baseball makes sense to me.
July 9th, 2006 at 12:55 pm
What’s flip cup?