I didn’t get into Michael Jackson until I was 13, but when I did I got into him hard. How hard? I own 4 copies of Thriller on vinyl (including a picture disc) and just about every magazine cover he was on from about 1982-1992. In high school I published a Michael-centric ‘zine called “KOP” (King Of Pop), and in college my dorm room was decorated with a Fugazi poster & a velour Michael Jackson wall hanging. I once spent a day standing outside of Radio City Music Hall hoping to see him entering the MTV Awards. All this was years after Off the Wall, Thriller, Bad, and Dangerous had come out. I was not a “european-screamer” type of Michael Jackson fan, I was a “punk-except-for-this” type.
So, when my high school had a talent contest, it was clear that I needed to do a lip synced Michael Jackson impersonation. And I did. And I won. The top three acts from our weirdo reject “alternative education system” high school got to go on to compete against the sad & forgotten “Adult Learning Center” in a larger show. When the curtain went up on my act, the crowd went insane - totally batshit crazy screaming insane. It is the biggest reaction I have ever gotten from a crowd in my life, a crowd of mostly strangers. It was - in a word - awesome. If you ever get the chance to be Michael Jackson in a 1994 inner-city Richmond Adult Learning Center auditorium, I HIGHLY reccommend it.
In that show, I beat a preschool class receiting poetry, a pregnant teenager singing”The Greatest Love”, and an actual old southern black man singing the actual blues. I won again. (Sadly, I am still waiting for my promised prize - 2 free movie tickets.) I felt a little guilty, but mostly I felt stunned at the power of Michael Jackson.
I feel that way now, too.
Of course, I feel sad, but I am also glad to have a few days where everyone else likes Michael also. Where everyone isn’t solely focused on the tragedies of his life - of which there were so many - but on the triumphs, on the magic. I can say “I love Michael Jackson times a million” and people don’t look at me like I’m crazy or joking, or ask me about blanket or the nose or all the allegations. They just say “yeah, me too.” I don’t condone anything he was accused of, but really, I don’t need to know the details of his personal life - his personal life has no affect on mine at all. But his music? His career? That affected my life an incredible amount, as it did everyone my age.
This will probably always be my favorite song, video, and - well - everything:
For the last 4.5 years, Glennis and I have been doing I Eat Pandas shows in dirty basements all over NYC, and the country. Now, we’re doing I Eat Pandas shows Off-Broadway! Tonight is the second of three shows at the DR2 Theater in Union Square (next Monday will be the 3rd) as part of WET’s INKubator series. You should come! There are drinks and snacks beforehand and everything!
If you’ve never seen I Eat Pandas, here is what The Onion’s Decider had to say about us:
“If improv seems like magic to the untrained eye, I Eat Pandas would probably appear to be levitating over the Grand Canyon. After all, how can two women (and their pianist) crank out such a clever, joyful show when it usually takes eight or so to do the job? And they’re not even singing! To be sure, Glennis McMurray and Eliza Skinner create some of the best musical improv out there: Once they get a grip on a melody, it blooms quickly into a loving duet or one of those longing, Disney solo contemplation numbers. And, yes, it’s funny. “
I Eat Pandas
Mondays, June 22nd and June 29th at 9:30pm
DR2 Theatre - Union Square
103 East 15th Street
Btwn Union Sq East & Irving Place
$5.00
The article is not specific as to whether she was a magical or enchanted fox, but one can assume.
Best line in the article: “Count von Kesselstatt had the retrieved shoes laid out in the palace on Wednesday so that the townsfolk can come and collect them.”
Really, Germany? Seriously?! You are a fairytale land - I am sure there are elves & unicorns there. At least, you know, before the Holocaust.
I love Law & Order: Criminal Intent.
There, I said it.
I love the uncool USA Law & Order franchise, not the Emmy-winning Ice-T sex crimes one, or the Sam Waterson Original Flavor. There’s just something about Vincent D’onofrio stooping down to make eye contact as he haltingly explains some inplausible clue to a suspect (”See, these toothpicks you have, these are balsa wood…it’s just…you said you were Polish…. Eastern european people are…genetically predisposed to a balsa wood allergy that…inflames their eyes…so your eyes would have been too…irritated to let you drive on the night of the accident…when you said you were,..where… *flips through binder* yeah, driving to Conneticut. Unless, you’re not Polish at all.”) that makes my brain giggle and clap. According to this show, there is no detail in a victim or suspects home, office, or pocket that doesn’t allude to 40 more, and in fact reveal the entire fabric of his or her life. If this, then EVERYTHING else.
I am so obsessed with L&O:CI, I spend a lot of my time wondering what Det. Goren would think of my own cluttered life. The paper-clips on my desk, are they a fair representation of my undergrad degree? Will my recent switch to Kleenex with Lotion help lead them to my murderer, or throw them off the track? Should I throw out the Chipotle receipt in my wallet because it presents a false image of my lunch habits, or keep it because by going once I am now displaying erratic behavior that could eventually lead to my death?
Before I leave my house I often look around and think “how will they know what is a clue and what is stupid trash? I should divide things into piles.” But that would be crazy, right?
I was going to wait to leak this when Adam Pally’s movie, “Taking Woodstock” comes out this summer, but why wait when I can horrify my parents right now. And really, how often do I get asked to play a meaty role like “Hot Karen”?
Carpe diem! (Sorry Daddy.)
Please enjoy “Doug Makes A Sextape” by the Chubby Skinny Kids.
If you love clever dectectives, bare knuckle fighting, and Robert Downey Jr., and you are me, you are very excited about this movie! The bad news is that the villain appears to be Tailor Made from season 2 of I Love New York. The good news is that the final line of this preview is the best line I have ever heard in a preview.
Everything that is wrong with LA, and really the world:
Everything that is right about LA, humans, and everything:
FYI, the second video is by Mike Nesmith, of the Monkees. He ended up having a solo career and I ended up being raised to love him with a strange passion. I have been looking for rollerskates with puffy gold wings since I was four years old.
Want to hear a secret? The Mummy was CGI. Oh, you knew that? Ok. How about this? I smell like cedar and honey.
John Cena and I found an injured baby fawn, can your hold our shirts while we lift it out of my pick-up truck?
You’re Eliza Skinner? From Elizaskinner.net?! Holy Shit!
Yeah, I do all my stunts, except kissing. My kisses are too dangerous.
Can you hold this giant bag of money for me? I need to find someone hilarious and largely unknown to buy a movie from.
Ugh, some times I get so tired of shooting action movies every day - I really just want to read young-adult sci-fi novels, listen to hip hop, and bone.
One time I got so drunk I totally made out with Robert Downey Jr. Just kidding, I wasn’t drunk.
I’d like you to meet my friend, J.J. Abrams.
“Why aren’t you dancing? You come to a club and you’re supposed to dance!” haha, just kidding. That’s you, right? I love Amy at the Club!
How do you like your comedy? Standing up? Improvised? Only $5? I got it all, people.
Comedy Central at Crash Mansion Booked by Comedy Central, performed by me, Baron Vaughn, Donald Glover, and more!
Monday, May 4th at 8pm $5
Crash Mansion (Bowery at Spring St.)
I Eat Pandas “If improv seems like magic to the untrained eye, I Eat Pandas would probably appear to be levitating over the Grand Canyon.” - The Decider, theonion.com
Wednesday May 6th at 9:30, $5
Upright Citizens Brigade Theater
(307 West 26th, at 8th Ave)
